That's been FOUR unbelievable years then...

I think of the bad things that the meeting was the start of, tears, sleepless nights, chemotherapy, tears, radiotherapy, radiation proctitis, drips, hot flushes, cannulas, scans, biopsies, injections, more tears, blood tests, pills, moobs, joint pain, did I say tears?, cracking nails, hair loss, feeling yuk, monthly dreaded Russian Roulette meetings with the doctor, telling my kids about my cancer, facing my wife knowing that I had ruined our long, medium and short term plans and with it her life. I found the original email I sent that day, if you like the start of my blog, that went to those I worked for at the time and have attached it. How things have changed since then!

Then I think of the good things that would never have happened, being closer to my wife, seeing my kids more, living for the now, having the best family holidays and more of them, a sense of doing good by my presentations to others, motivating other people, raising both personally and by inspiring others to over £400,000 for Prostate Cancer UK, learning to live and let live more, looping and barrel rolling in an aeroplane, being a better role model for all, acceptance of others differences, knowing (and yes I do know!) what's important in life and what's not, the sense of freedom, achievement and wonder that running crazy races across the Arctic, Sahara, Spain, Iceland, Albania and many others gives me, the sharing of life stories and hopefully helping others move on from their challenges, meeting so many wonderful inspiring people along the way plus much more.

So on balance, of course I wish that I never had to be in that room 4 years ago but what I think I have made of at least 3 of those years with the help of so many of you has made the fact that I wont have so many more years bearable right now. I cant speak for my family as they probably have different views and if I could change one thing it would be to take away the hurt and suffering my situation has brought and will bring them.

Its only been a couple of weeks since I last wrote (sorry) but that has seen me start to up my training for what lies ahead. A highlight was being invited to run with Mark Church, a BBC cricket commentator, on his own 1,000 mile challenge. He is running 20 miles a day for 50 days by running from the Oval to Lords and back twice a day. That is pretty hardcore and considering he had never run as far as a half marathon before takes some doing. Mark is doing this because his Dad was taken by pancreatic cancer. There are far too many people taken by all forms of cancer which is why I am encouraged when I see others spurred on from adversity to try to do their bit to make a difference, its just a shame that it often takes adversity to do light the spark, I was certainly guilty of that.

As for me, a 5th year awaits, well I can start it anyway! As ever I have a force inside me to push as hard as I dare to achieve more of the good things and hold back the bad ones for a while longer. If you would have told me 4 years ago that I would even be writing this I would not have believed you so that in itself should be a lesson for all to never give up.

I make no apologies that yet again I am looking to raise more funds for Prostate Cancer UK, I would love to achieve over £500,000 in total personally and with what others have been inspired to do by me since diagnosis. In return for peoples generosity I will be going all out as I know what I do can not go on forever so my next running year starts now and here is the schedule although as ever , there are many permissions to get, ducks to get in a row to make these happen and health as ever could get in the way but for now, these are the plans and I will as usual pay all costs involved myself and take nothing from any sponsorship:-

November 2018 Druids Challenge, racing 84 hilly and muddy miles along the Ridgeway in England
December 2018 Cambodia, 220k race through the jungle running past temples and paddy fields, hot and sweaty
February 2019 Pilgrims Challenge, 66 mile hilly and muddy race along the North Downs in England
March 2019 the 6633 Arctic Ultra, last year I finished the shorter race of 120 miles but its unfinished business as I could not go much further then so I will be taking on the mahoosive 380 mile non stop race pulling a sledge, -35c and more. Cold, scary, painful on the feet and never ending!
April 2019 Marathon Des Sables, 250k race across the Sahara. If I manage it, I will be I believe the only person to complete 4 times with T4 cancer of any type. Hot, sandy and mountains.
May/June 2019 trekking the Camino De Santiago, 500 miles through Spain on an ancient pilgrim trail. Hot, never ending, enlightening.
July 2019 Al Andalus, 230k mountain race through Spain in the heat of July so very hot, dusty and hilly.
September TBA!
October 2019 Wadi Rum ultra, 260k race through the desert of Jordan, hot, sandy and historic.
November 2019 (spans probably two "running years") Everest Trail Race, the name should say it all! Cold, mountainous and steep!

So two new challenges for me, jungle and altitude, neither of which I am convinced I will do well in but as I always say, if you don't put your foot on the start line you will never know!

I read a race report for the 6633 from Pete, one of the few amazing competitors who finished the whole 380 miles this year and it yet again scared the bits off me. I know overall this will be the hardest race but then I also am aware that with such a full race diary my legs will be in pieces but that all adds to the challenge for me. Hopefully this will demonstrate to you and others that you should never stop dreaming and live a dream every day.

I also hope like this year, many of you devise your own challenges for Prostate Cancer UK, your own walking marathons, organised races, quiz nights, cycling, cake baking to name a few and if you want me along please ask as if I logistically and physically can I will! Please do let me know if you do something as your graft will inspire me too.

As far as my own treatment is concerned, my blood scores have deteriorated, only a tiny bit in numbers but 30% worse in total over the last two months so the next couple of tests will hopefully have the current score as a blip but of course could signal that the current drugs are starting to fail, I have a full body MRI scan and a bone density scan coming up and they may tell me more. Despite all that though, I know I cant change what's happening physically but I can influence what I do today and mentally, that's always my choice..

If you feel able to support my next running year please do visit my new Just Giving site (although It has been discovered by a few already!) -you can find it on the home page of this site- as it will make a difference to families everywhere and help keep me going when times get tough.

My final "wise words" this time, remember, there is little personal satisfaction in setting out on a journey where the end is certain and every step in between has been mapped in detail. Living and loving life, is about taking a risk, leaving in the dark, when we do not know what's in store and don't know if we will ever come back. Maybe we wont want to and maybe we will but you only truly find out by leaving where you are. Thanks for your support, be good, hope you enjoy my 2019 ride and have one of your own too.
Take care, Kev